Political Quotes

“today we find out the nominees for the Academy Awards in Hollywood. I thought I would take the liberty of presenting the Academy Awards for the longest-running comedy in Washington--Whitewatergate. Best Actress in a full-scale cover-up: Hillary Clinton, who remembered to deduct every pair of Bill's used underwear, but somehow forgot to declare a $69,000 tax loss. Best Incompetent Director: Bernard Nussbaum, who orchestrated the most bungled cover-up since Watergate. Best Supporting Cast: the Rose Law Firm, the best-connected law firm since Bendini, Lambert and Lock in The Firm. Best Supporting Actor in a crime story: Arkansas Banker James McDougal, who has been walking on both sides of the law for years. Best Special Effects: the Rose Law Firm shredder. Like the Energizer Bunny, it just keeps on shredding, and shredding, and shredding. Best Set Design and Prop: Bill Clinton's El Camino, the one with the astroturf. The actresses in those scenes remain unidentified. Best Song: Jailhouse Rock, for James McDougal, with Bill Clinton on saxophone. Best Film Adaptation: Bill and Hillary Clinton, for their winning reprisal of a slightly revised Woody Allen favorite: Lose the Money and Run. Best Actor in a full-scale cover-up: Bill Clinton, who has insisted for months he knew nothing about a land deal that lost him $69,000.”