Barack Obama actually said...

"I assume that people meant what they said when they said it. That's been at least my practice. I said that I would go after bin Laden if we had a clear shot at him and I did."

"I'm the president of the United States and I'm opening for Jimmy Kimmel? I have the nuclear codes. Why am I telling knock-knock jokes to Kim Kardashian?"

"We pledge to work together to promote the rule of law, protect human rights, and enhance coordination on peacekeeping."

"the Obama administration won't comment."