Barack Obama actually said...

"Let's keep the American people safe, and that's what we've done over the last four years."

"Nice work to both Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Dot, dot, dot. I'm so relieved that it's over. Maybe more than both of you, dot, dot, severe anxiety. God bless, XO."

"I want to make sure colleges and universities keep tuition low so our young people can get a college education without being loaded up with debt."

"I promised to cut taxes for middle class families, and I kept that promise."