Barack Obama actually said...

"Our chaperon for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel who's perfect for the job since most of tonight's audience is in his key demographic, people who fall asleep during 'Nightline.'"

"Investments in better roads and safer bridges, these have never been made by just one party or another because they benefit all of us."

"He made getting bin Laden a top priority and he made a call that Bob Gates who served President Bush and President Obama and six other presidents I believe called the gutsiest call he has ever seen th..."

"We pledge to work together to promote the rule of law, protect human rights, and enhance coordination on peacekeeping."