Barack Obama actually said...

"But despite all their extraordinary love and attention, that doesn't mean that I didn't feel my father's absence. That's something that leaves a hole in a child's heart that a government can't fill."

"For me, this -- there's no contest. Why bother hanging out with celebrities, when I can spend time with the people who made me one?"

"Mika and I have a lot in common. We both have partners named Joe who used to be in Congress and don't know when to stop talking."

"In all seriousness, despite the jokes I have told, I'm here tonight because I appreciate the work the tall of you do and the role that you play. You report the news as it happens and you cover history..."