Barack Obama actually said...

"President Obama wants Congress to take a 'pay as you go' approach to spending proposing a law that would require lawmakers cover the cost of federal programs by either raising taxes or cutting budget."

"President Obama wants Congress to take a pay as you go approach to spending, proposing a law that will require lawmakers cover the cost of federal programs by either raising taxes or cutting the budge..."

"General, as the commander in chief, I hereby order you to shave that man's head."

"I say if Stephen Colbert wants to play soldier, it's time to cut that man's hair."