Tom Feeney: “it is very rare that I come to the well to encourage my colleagues to pay attention to television in general or the news…”

“it is very rare that I come to the well to encourage my colleagues to pay attention to television in general or the news in specific, but I do that here today because there are unconfirmed reports that there are some shocking documents that may be produced tonight by 60 Minutes and CBS News concerning some American presidents. It turns out that, reportedly, CBS News has documentary evidence that Washington did not cross the Delaware to surprise the British but, rather, in an attempt to surrender in the American Revolutionary War. We are waiting to see the specifics of these documents. Apparently, President Eisenhower, on the day of D-Day, was not commanding the American and allied troops but, rather, was golfing somewhere in the British Isles, and the allegations are that there may be a golf scorecard produced tonight on CBS and 60 Minutes news. It turns out that President Richard Nixon, apparently, we again have not seen the evidence yet, never did have a dog named Checkers. Actually, the Nixon dog was named Alger Hiss, for whom the Nixons were secret admirers. And finally, apparently, there is evidence that we may see tonight that President Reagan was all along a closet socialist and urged Mr. Gorbachev to tear down that wall to provide an opportunity to roll through and conquer Western Europe.”