John McCain actually said...

"John McCain relives his youth and surprises the incumbent president by concealing a joy buzzer in his palm."

"I am very, very grateful and pleased to note that tonight, my friends, we have won enough delegates to claim with confidence, humility and a great sense of responsibility that I will be the Republican..."

"I intend to have as much possible campaigning events and together as in keeping with the president's heavy schedule. And I look forward to that opportunity."

"Obviously an election that would not pass the smell test."