Barack Obama actually said...

"I will not rest until the dream of health care reform is finally achieved in the United States of America."

"Every day, peace officers put on their uniforms and go to work to safeguard America's communities and uphold the freedoms we hold dear."

"Sasha and Malia aren't here tonight, because they're grounded. You can't just take Air Force One on a joyride to Manhattan."

"Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled 'How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.'"